The "Bug Juice Man"

Most people are familiar with the Juice Man and his wondrous "Juicer." This is a vegetable squeezing mechanism into which the juice man enthusiastically inserts all varieties of vegetables to produce juice. For example one of his favorite drinks is a delicious parsley-turnip-horseradish juice, which not only tastes great but will also cures all forms of Alzheimer and dementia related diseases. According to the Juice Man, vegetable juice brings forth miraculous healings and remedies for all of life's aliments. The Juice Man has become well known through his infomercials, which can be seen 24 hours a day on cable television.

Fewer people have heard of, or know, the "Bug Juice Man." As you would guess, the "Bug Juice Man" is a promoter of the "Bug-Juicer." The "Bug-Juicer" produces, of course, bug juice. One strange coincidence is that this "Bug-Juicer" device bares a striking resemblance to the better known vegetable "Juicer." One could argue the apparatuses are identical, but this has never been authenticated.

The real difference is that the "Bug Juice Man" fills his machine with bugs. He has been known to use live bugs, when he can get them, but normally he will use combinations of fresh or preserved dead packaged bugs. Dried bugs, for the obvious reasons, will not do.

The "Bug Juice Man" has attempted on several occasions, yet unsuccessful, to get a line of packaged bugs into local health food stores. He does offer a limited line of his own packaged bugs in a direct mail catalog, which includes a few members of the grasshopper family, several types of beatles, and certain worms. A book included with each Bug-Juicer contains instructions on how to harvest or collect your own bugs.

The juice produced but the Bug Juicer is much thicker than that produced by the vegetable Juicer. It is often malt-like or thicker, and is normally light brown, red or green in color. As for taste, the "Bug Juice Man" seems to like it.

The health benefits from drinking bug-juice are just as enthusiastically espoused by the "Bug Juice Man" as vegetable juice is by the "Juice man." The "Juice Man" says carrot-beet juice will cure headaches and rickets; the "Bug Juice Man" says a worm-moth juice will do the same. The Juice Man advocates a rhubarb-artichoke juice for hot flashes; the "Bug Juice Man" claims a straight wax-beatle juice will do the trick. Both men fully abstain from mixing bugs and plants in any drink.

Doctors recommend a more balanced approach in nutrition. While an occasional helping of vegetable or bug juice might not be harmful, any diet should include a variety of food types, breads, cereals, meats, and, not too often, deserts.

MC